This makes me angry.

So I go to an online forum sometimes. It's focused around fitness, but it truly covers every topic.

Some woman posted today. Apparently, she's an athiest, but she let her children decide if they wanted to go to church with her father, and they do. Great. And a woman at church approached her, asking if her children were going to be taking the "Sex ed" class they were doing. Now, I have no idea what type of format it would be, but I assume they would take the abstinence approach and the pro-life approach.

This woman is appalled at the thought and doesn't want to let her children participate. This makes me angry because:

1. If your kids are old enough to make their own decisions about going to church, they're old enough to make a decision about going to class or not.
2. You could use it as a launching board; to facilitate discussions about sex. I believe that no institution should be the ONLY informative basis on sex (or anything, really). So if she's learning from church, she should learn from school, and, most importantly, PARENTS.
3. This woman assumed that because the church was teaching it, it was going to be totally against what SHE believes. And that may be the case, but her children may decide to believe parts of it or not.

God. I don't consider myself a Christian, really, but I'm SICK of people hearing the word "church" and run screaming the other way. Yes, there is corruption in the church. There is also corruption on Wall Street. There's corruption in the school system. There's corruption everywhere. Granted, the church may be more dangerous because they claim to be THE voice of God...

I don't know why that pisses me off so much. I'm very happy that that woman is not forcing her children to go to church OR to not go to church. I'm glad they have that option. But I want them to have a FAIR shot of learning about what they believe.

And the craziness continues.

So...today I left for class, and left my keys in my apartment. That was a bit of a hassle. I had an interview that was today that I THOUGHT was tomorrow, so that was a hassle, too.

But, some positives. I stopped by Goodwill on the way home and got a cool workout video that I've wanted to try. I did a short workout with it tonight. That makes 9 workouts since the first. Which is more than I've done in one month in awhile. I have a monthly calendar hanging up, with all my workouts highlighted and written in so I can see them. I'm very proud of myself for sticking with something - ANYTHING - for more than a week.

And my eating plan thing...
*no fast food.
*write down what I eat.
*at LEAST a liter of water a day - hopefully more.

Let's just stick with that for now. I'm not putting any restrictions on my eating, what I can/can't have, but I do want to focus on regular meal times and not snacking a lot.

I'm updating my ipod right now, I intend to go for a walk tomorrow. I work 9:30-12:30, and then I have a class, so I'm done by 1:30. I'll probably go for my walk then. (I'll have a small break for lunch in there somewhere). That will put me at three workouts for the week. I'd like to do one on Saturday, but we'll see.

I made an appointment for my dermatologist for that weird thing on my stomach. I also made an appointment with another therapist that my other doctor recommended. We'll see if I need to go. The woman I talked to on the phone did NOT understand me. No one else that I speak to on the phone seems to have trouble understanding me, but that woman was just...ugh. Which reminds me - I need to print off some paperwork to take in there.

So back to my interview. I ended up getting there, and everything seemed fine. The thing that is getting to me is the scheduling. The scheduling that I have is just NOT cool...I told them I was available at times that I'm actually at work at the bookstore, hoping that I could rearrange that a bit. I want the job, but I don't want to rearrange with everything else that's gone on. (People switching with me on Thursday, and then the whole thing yesterday). I don't know...I hope it works out...I dunno.

So...I'm not feeling too hot.

*I had to get out of work for an hour today. Apparently the way I did it was wrong, and I got scolded. I do understand, I just feel so guilty.
*I went home for dinner tonight, and found out that I had over drafted my account. My mom had written up everything, and everything is going to be fine...but again I feel so guilty.
*A friend is very depressed, and I feel guilty because I can't do anything about it.
*I was confronted with how much fast food I've eaten lately, and it's not pretty. Again, guilty.

I'm making a bit of a game plan now - about how I'm going to fix the fast food thing. And the other things are going to be okay....this guilty is just really making me uncomfortable. :(

So...

Okay.

I'm fat.
I want it to change.
Well, I want my body image to change. And THEN I want to lose weight.
I don't like how self conscious I am, especially around my boyfriend. It's not fair to him and I don't like it.

Question: how to change it? Diet and exercise. Duh.

I've been working out a lot lately, and that's good. But since moving to my own place, I've been eating what I want. Rarely having an actual binge, but rather not denying myself fattening foods. That makes me feel gross, and I don't like that, either.

Problem: I always fail. I feel like I can't do it.

That's the big delimma. I feel like, yeah, I could change the food, too, but I have an all or nothing attitude...and that's why I always fail.

Fail is such a strong word.

Maybe I should just set some boundaries for myself. And then if I don't end up being able to follow through, I shouldn't be to hard on myself. If I can do the exercise, I can do the food, right?

I need to get rid of the urgency I feel.

This makes me sick.

Late last month President Bush and his Health and Human Services Secretary, Mike Leavitt, announced a new rule that would allow employees of organizations that receive federal funding to deny healthcare service if that service is contrary to their personal, religious, or ethical beliefs. It also allows discrimination against women who try and gain accesss to reproductive health information and services.

This new rule is directly targeted to restrict access to reproductive health care.

The effects of these regulations are numerous as they expand the power of healthcare providers to refuse to provide even basic information, counseling and referrals for important health care services.

Since this proposed rule is in the public comment stage, you are able to comment electronically. You may submit electronic comments on this regulation to http://www.Regulations.gov or via e-mail to consciencecomment@hhs.gov. To submit electronic comments to www.Regulations.gov, go to the Web site and click on the link “Comment or Submission” and enter key words "provider conscience."

It's been awhile!

Whew. What's been going on:

-school started. I'm on my third week. Woohoo. Things are going well so far, though.
-I have ten hours a week at my campus job, still looking for something else.
-I'm driving the Boy in to the dentist tomorrow: he's probably going to have some emergency surgery done. He's scared, but he needs it.
-I'm doing well in my new apartment. I can't figure out how my bathroom and my floor keeps getting so freaking dirty. I truly have no idea. And I hate doing dishes.
-I've started looking at grad schools and am scared out of my freaking mind.
-I've done 6 workouts in 12 days and I'm pretty darn proud because some of them were super hard.
-I signed up for Netflix. I'm pretty excited. :D You can get workout DVDs from them, too. I have one of them right now and then my next one will be a movie, In Bruge. I'm excited to see it, because, heck, I was in Bruge! I should probably invite Em over and make it a movie night.

I think that's about it...I really need to post more. I came up with a hurdle that I'm facing with my body image. I've learned to label my inner critic (Harriet) and I've learned to talk back to her, but it's hard to talk back when there is truth in what is being "said." It's hard to be positive when you KNOW you're fat, when you KNOW you're not attractive in certain areas. Working out does help, though. I just need to do it VERY consistently, not take more than two days off in a row. And I worked out today, so now I feel fine.

I'll be sticking around Nick's place tomorrow while he's here recuperating. I brought a bunch of my homework, so I can definitely just hang out and do some work while I make sure he takes his meds.

Nighty night. :D

First Day of School

Today was my first day back at classes. I showed up to work at 8:00, then went to step aerobics at 9:40. I'm SO excited for that class! It'll be an easy way to get some exercise in. Then I had Cognition at 12:40. I was nervous, but I think I can handle that class. Tomorrow I have Advanced Counseling, Senior Seminar, and Human Sexuality. I'm sooooo psyched! Nervous about some things: I'd like to find another job and I need to find an internship. But I'm excited for my classes. :D

I wish I had more to post, but I really don't. Oh, I went to my CCO yesterday and picked up Pharaoh paint pot - and that other McQueen one, the blue one. Then I got Crystal Rose lipglass (gorgeous color!), and I picked up the Heatherette beauty powder in Smooth Harmony - I had meant to pick up Alpha Girl. So I'm going to go exchange it soon.

Anyway. :D