So...

Okay.

I'm fat.
I want it to change.
Well, I want my body image to change. And THEN I want to lose weight.
I don't like how self conscious I am, especially around my boyfriend. It's not fair to him and I don't like it.

Question: how to change it? Diet and exercise. Duh.

I've been working out a lot lately, and that's good. But since moving to my own place, I've been eating what I want. Rarely having an actual binge, but rather not denying myself fattening foods. That makes me feel gross, and I don't like that, either.

Problem: I always fail. I feel like I can't do it.

That's the big delimma. I feel like, yeah, I could change the food, too, but I have an all or nothing attitude...and that's why I always fail.

Fail is such a strong word.

Maybe I should just set some boundaries for myself. And then if I don't end up being able to follow through, I shouldn't be to hard on myself. If I can do the exercise, I can do the food, right?

I need to get rid of the urgency I feel.