Does anybody read this?

I'm stressed.

1.) I keep sleeping in. No more melatonin for awhile.
2.) I have a job interview; yay, but I'm worried about the distance and how much money I'll actually take away.
3.) My period is MIA.
4.) I have a work review in 5 minutes. Then a presentation. Then I need to write a paper.
5.) I consistently have no money.

:(

At work...

and listening to big band. Weird. These people have weird music taste. I can't wait to go home, slip into some PJ's and do some stuff. I'm thinking dishes, restocking the fridge with more water, picking up, and possibly even a short little workout (I'll explain why in a minute).

Today was a good day. I slept through step aerobics, but that's okay. I cleaned up, met Em for lunch, went to work, went to class, did some homework, went to work, did some homework, and now I'm at work. See a pattern? I've only got about 20 minutes left, though.

I've decided that I have almost exactly two months until Christmas. That's 8 weeks. I want to lose 10 pounds. But how am I going to do that? Ah-ha!
*1 liter (at least) of water a day.
*20 minutes workout activity a day.
*write down what I eat.
*3 servings of fruits and veggies.

Sweets are my downfall. I'm going to try to have a normal dessert after dinner, instead of sweets throughout the day. I know that dessert every day is a bit much - but it's a huge step for me. When I get home I'm going to make a schedule thing so I can mark off all of my goals each day. And the fruits and veggies may be hard to do, because of my money situation. I have a small meal plan at school, but sometimes it's hard to get those things. Also, I'm very low on money, and honestly, fresh produce is just a lot. Next time I go to the store I'll try to get some bananas or something.

If I do all of those things consistently and DON'T lose 10 pounds, fine. But I will have made SO much personal progress....

:)

Okayyy.....

This is getting old...I'm so stressed and confused. Okay... pressing matter of the moment: grad school.

I've figured out that a Masters for counseling is great when going into working with addictions. But you don't *have* to have one. I want one, because it's been a goal, and because it will better ensure a job and better job options. K.

I signed up for the GRE ( a pre-req. for most, if not all, grad programs) on Thanksgiving weekend. It's a month away. I have not studied, and I don't see too much time.

So I want to push my GRE test date back....perhaps until near or after graduation. That way the info will still be in my mind, and I'll have more time to study.

The problem with that is, I will have to wait for applications to grad school. Which may actually be a good idea. I've been so stressed with all this lately, I'm thinking about just giving myself some time. I'm scared, though, because I DO want to go to grad school, so I don't want to wait and risk not going.

Ugh. This sounds so much better written down - why is it so hard in my head?

What is wrong with me?

I got Taco Bell today (I was truly hungry), and I bought ice cream sandwiches and had too many. Even though I was truly hungry when I had Taco Bell, I was thinking about it...wanting it. And those ice cream sandwiches too.

I'm so disgusted with myself. I'm so..........confused and upset.

Aaaaaaannnndddd......

binge.

So I walked into work...

and my boss asked me if I needed any coffee. LOL - I must look terrible. Actually, I do. Last night was so rough....so rough. I ended up crying, taking a bit of a nap, and then got ready to see a movie with Em. We saw An American Carol - so funny! The night ended well, but it made for sleeping hard and puffy eyes in the morning.

So, I got a bran muffin and some hot chocolate. I'm skipping class now. I just feel so gross and not like going, so I'm going to clean up the apartment. That always makes me feel better.

Tomorrow I finally get to have hugs from the Boy. I need them so bad...I know that I have family and friends, but I still feel alone. Alone in this apartment, alone in the school/grad school thing, alone in my insane anxiety...its just really tough and really getting to me. I just want to relax and I don't think I can. I need a break so bad.

Anyway. I suppose I should get going on some stuff.

I hate how I feel.

I have constant headaches. And anxious feelings. I'm supposed to feel better after switching my medications.

I'm supposed to go see a therapist tomorrow, but I'm not sure I need one...

I'm just very confused right now. About so many things. Sooooo many things.

:(

Nothing boosts you like....

a job interview that might actually work out! I've been on dozens of job interviews over the summer and into school...and nothing has worked out right - namely due to my schedule. But I had one today with the City...the hours will work, it's work that I've done for years before, its part time, pays well, and is for only 6 months. (Which is good, because I'll graduate after that, and who knows where life will take me?) I need to stop thinking about it and focus on everything else in my life at the moment...but there you go. :D

I came back and cleaned up the apartment a bit. I hate when it's a mess. Em is coming over in a little bit and we're going to have a study date. Which means that we'll get a little bit of homework done, but not a lot. And I think I'm going to make banana bread since my oven is working :D

I'm excited for this weekend - I'm leaving for Spokane with the family to visit the undergrad school at Whitworth (for Amy) and the grad program (for me). I'm just ready to get away. Everything has been so stressful lately. I actually decided before this last interview that I wasn't going to apply for any more for awhile. Yes, I need the money, but, no, I can't do this much longer. It's only a quick weekend. But I need to get away from here, get some stuff sorted out, and spend time with the family. Hopefully that'll rejuvenate me a bit.

I also get my paycheck when I come back, and a new phone from Verizon. I HATE my phone. It's a chocolate, and its been nothing but trouble. That's so exciting. Then on Monday we don't have school, so I have my last med-check with Dr. Perez, and then my first counseling appointment with the guy he recommended. I'm not sure I want to take on anything else right now. I guess I'll go to the intake interview, and then decide if the benefits will outweigh the cost.

In other news...I've only worked out twice this week. Wretched.
In other, OTHER news, my knees have been bothering me. Especially on stairs - they just feel weak and creaky.

p.s. I need some serious plans for Halloween. I serisouly need to get some party going on here.