Anxiety and worry...

...strikes again. I just need to chill out and relax...I worry that I'm not doing enough. I'll never lose weight. I should be working out. I should have more things under control, I should have a job, I should do this, I should do that...

And I was thinking earlier - I don't know if I can listen to people's problems for a living. I've been doing it quite a bit lately and I've been getting annoyed. But I guess that could just be situational.

I put some anxiety books on hold at the library - maybe one of them will say something that clicks.

Berry Lovely.

That's the name of the color I just painted my nails. It's nice. :p

I think my new BC is messing with me - I've been so emotional lately. Last night I started crying and I truly had no idea why.

I slept in this morning, and I made a banana bread, and only at half of it. :P I made some Hamburger Helper for the week, did some dishes...and totally avoided my homework.

Ugh - the more I think and write, the worse I feel. I should work out, I've been a pig, blah blah blah....

It's 7:13 in the morning.

And I've already worked out. :D Joining that exercise research thing was a great idea. They took all my information, and they plan out the workout. I do one routine for four weeks. Monday is chest and triceps, Wednesday is biceps and back, and Friday is legs, I think. And I was in and out in about a half hour.

I have a busy day. Now I'm going to shower and get ready, then I have an 8:40 class. Then I have to report into work, and I'll probably work until 1:00. Then lunch and a 1:40 class, a 2:40 class, after which I have to leave a bit early (and skip my other class) and go to a job interview in Sherwood. I'm totally qualified and I think I'd love it, but they just need to be a bit flexible with my schedule. I'm probably wasting my time.

Anyway, off to shower....and then COFFEE :D

Yesterday was chaotic.

5 classes. 4 hours of work. WW weigh-in.

Classes were good. Work was fine. Lost .4 at weigh in.

Then proceeded to eat more than I needed that night, being tired, anxious, and cranky. Woke up this morning (at 6:00) and had a lot of cereal. Two bowls...probably a cup total. I'm wearing new pants and they're tight. So...I feel weird today.

So hrmph.

I need to not take other people's problems on my shoulders. I've been doing that a lot recently.

I love my friends, family, and boyfriend. Very much. I'm a person that wants to help them. But me worrying unnecessarily about their problems does not help. All it does is enable them and drive me insane.

I've learned about myself and am motivated to change my problems. Others need to do the same.

More Goodies.

So my boss had me mark down all the Prestige makeup to $1 a piece. Um, hello! I got four brushes, two lip glosses, two single eye shadows, two eyeliners, an eyeshadow quad, and 5 shimmer shadow thing. For $16. Yay.

In other news, I haven't had any water today. I think I can get 32 oz. down tonight, but probably not all 64 for my goal. Well, that's alright. At least I can get half.

Hump Day.

So I just saw some pics of my crush from high school. Holy hotness, Batman.

Moving on.

This week has been good, so far. I've tracked, drank my water, and worked out. Granted, this was only Monday and Tuesday, but today is Wednesday and I'm well on my way to putting three new Tinkerbell stickers on my chart. :P I have no intention of stopping. The only hitch is that my boss is taking everyone out for lunch tomorrow. So...I'll try to make a good choice, but I also have like, 20 flex points that I can use. I'm not stressing too much.

Another bra broke. Now I have 2. I need to get to Lane Bryant ASAP. I got a gift card as a gift, and I hate using it for something that I need - I feel like it should be for something frivilous. But at this point, bras feel pretty damn important. :p I'm going to go this weekend, after I get paid. I also want to pick up some panties. TMI? :p

Speaking of picking up, I need to pick up my apartment a bit. And clean that freaking bathroom. What am I going to make for dinner? Hmm. I don't know. I have some Tuna Helper I could make. Or some of that pizza bake stuff I made. Dang that is good. Last night I had a baked potato with cheese and chili. It made me soooooo full. Almost painfully so.

Speaking of, most days, I'm satisfied with what I've eaten. But I still feel the urge to eat, out of emotions. I'm glad that I've recognized this (i've always know I'm an emotional eater)....but I want to keep it in my consciousness so that I don't eat when I don't at least think about it.

I'm at work but things are so slow. I've done a lot of work today, but 8 hours is a long time...suppose I should sign off for now.

So, I tracked today. :)

I'm happy about that. I came up 4 points shy of my allowance. :)

I also was productive today. I made some pizza bake (casserole thing), and I had enough ingredients left over to make a bit of spaghetti. Those are all packaged and in the fridge. I did some grocery shopping and got some more oatmeal, yogurt, and salad mix - so I'm good to go there.

I never did complete that 30-day workout challenge. I guess I kind of knew that I wouldn't. I've come up with a way to keep track of my goals - week by week.

For this week (starting tomorrow) my goals are:
*drink 64 oz. of water
*walk for 15 minutes
*track my food intake

And next Sunday I'll reassess and make new goals. :)

I can't.

I can’t hit my diet today because I didn’t get a chance to get to the store.
I can’t do my workout today because it is cold outside.
I can’t get up right now and do my stretching because my neck hurts.
I can’t stick to this diet because it just asks to much of me.
I can’t stick to my diet today because I just need to get the job done.
I can’t stick to my diet today because I am tired and stressed and just need a break.
I can’t do this because I just want to live my life.
I can’t go out because I am to fat for life.
I can’t not eat when I go out with friends, it’s rude.
I can’t tell my spouse that I wish they would stop tempting me with fast food they bring home.
I can’t say outloud that this is the 2nd 3rd 4th 5th year in a row that I made a diet resolution.
I can’t tell my family that I need their help this time.
I can’t tell my friends that this time I want it to be for real.
I can’t take off my shirt and not cringe.
I can’t get it out of my head how good my life would be if I could just do this.
I can’t figure out what it is I am doing wrong.


I can’t be the person that says "can’t" anymore.

—Leigh Peele

I said I was going to write later.

And it's later. But I don't think I'm going to write about my trip.

I seriously need to get back on track with Weight Watchers. I want to get back on track. I want to start working out again, and I want to start tracking and seeing lower numbers on the scale. And while I haven't gained, I haven't been doing near as much as I should. It's been a weird few weeks, with the holidays, and losing power, and being snowed in, and the trip to the beach. As of last Monday I was down .6. I'm sure I gained this week - I haven't drunk enough water, I didn't work out, I didn't track, and I ate out a few too many times. So. Tomorrow starts the first day back, and then Monday starts a whole new week. I will use tomorrow to grocery shop, cook, and plan out my return.

:)

Short update.

Dessert glasses. 4 for $7!


Yes - these are MAGNETS!


Amy and I in some weird tunnel at Ripley's.


Johnny Depp at Wax Works. He's so small.


Elephant, Amy, and I at Wax Works.

I will add more later, but I just wanted to post some cute pics. :)