I'm not sure what to think.

I am so tired and want to lose weight so badly. I've seen pictures of myself from a year or more ago and I just wish I looked like I did then. I am filled with so much self hate. I feel like I can't lose weight. I feel like I never succeed. It's so hard and I have too many issues. I feel like I'm using excuses...no. I feel like other people think they're excuses. But they're so REAL.

I wonder where my drive went. I always felt hopeless, but I kept on trying. I don't know why this time is different.

It's so weird that I haven't been interested in boys. I mean, I want security. I want physical cuddling. But there are no boys I'm interesed in. Maybe I've just given up. That feels so sad...to not have hope in finding a love.

Eh.