Anxiousness.

Why, why, why?

Alright. I dyed my hair brown this morning. All I could think of was how fat I am. Later I called Aaron. We were all lovey and I got teary. Then we were intimate. Now I'm all confused. Tonight is my women's group. Then the labyrinth. Why does it make me anxious? I don't feel like walking around in front of people being all "spiritual" for everyone to see. I suppose it could be a good experience. I just am scared. I'll go because I have to. But maybe I'll just sit and write and think. I don't know.

I saw a "Fat Rant" video. It was a plus size woman talking about how we should accept fat, etc. The whole time I was thinking, "great. You're a size 16. I'd KILL to be a size 16." I know that part of it is the way I eat.

I just want to be better. I know that therapy will help. It'll be a lot of work. I just hope I can do it.