I'm ready to give up.

The past week or so has been so emotional. Weird sleeping habits, horrible mood swings, incessant crying. I started therapy again, and I've had two sessions. I was emotionally drained in both of them. I think this is going to be a good thing overall, I just don't know if I'm strong enough to carry through. There is so much going on. I feel upset at my parents for not giving me what I need. I feel guilty for thinking that because they'll insist until they're blue in the face that they're great parents. I'm the one that has misinterpreted everything. I suppose its true that they do all these things for my best interest, and thats hard to accept. How can I be upset with them when I *know* its only for my well-being?

All I know is that I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of yearning for a simple hug. I'm tired of mom calling, when she knows I'm upset, and is worried more about school than my well-being. Where was the "i love you?" Where was the "do you need anything?" I shouldn't expect it anymore. I don't know if I expect it...I just know that I notice it when it doesn't come. I don't know how to hold anything together.

Aaron has been my glue. And we haven't had a lot of time lately and it SUCKS. I miss him. I miss my support. It feels like the only real support that I've ever had. Do you know how lonely that is? It's horrible. I tried to take melatonin yesterday (HORRIBLE day. I don't even want to talk about it) to try to get some sleep. I ended up having one of the worst nights of sleep I've had in awhile. It really, really sucked.

I want Aaron to be here. To really hold me. Would I feel better? If I had that unconditional support just once, I wonder what would happen.