Many things to think about.

I'm going to Weight Watchers tonight. Well, I guess I haven't officially made that decision. Yes, I have. If I don't go, I'll fuel that fire of apathy. So I'm going. Anyway - I'm worried, as usual. I am 100% sure that I gained weight this week. I didn't work out, I had Quiznos with Emily, and a fried dinner with Boy at the beach...and I'm sure there was more. It was just not a good week.

I was fully intending to get up this morning, go to step class, and get back on track. And that's what I did - kinda. I got up and went to step, but we didn't work out today. And I had no other free time. So I didn't work out. I can still work out through the remainder of the week, and I plan to. But but great jump start was foiled.

What's ironic is that 10 pounds seems to be my anxiety marker. It has been that way before. And I lost 10 pounds, and then gained .6. Which is fine...except that this week had resulted in probably a two pound gain. I even prepared for it, I thought. I thought about it, recognized it, and resolved to watch out for self-defeating behavior. And with workouts - I guess that was self defeating behavior. It wasn't crossing my mind at the time - I was feeling tired, apathetic, and I just couldn't drag myself to work out. I even tried, twice. Once at step (when we took an exam instead of working out) and once to hip hop (where I barely broke a sweat, got bored, and left). I was planning to just take this week off and jump back on.

Which is normal and okay, I think, except for the fact that now I'm terrified of seeing whatever number is on the scale. I'm terrified it's going to derail me even more. I toyed with the idea of going but not weighing in - but I feel anxious about it...like I have to face the music, for better or for worse. Then I briefly thought about not going, but thats not going to happen. I'll be late, but I have to go back and get my car. Usually I do this earlier in the day, but today I didn't have time.

So. I'm just kinda....hanging in there. There's also more. I found out (with no help from my advisors) that I need a CADC certification for addictions counseling, but not necessarily grad school (to begin with). So I took the GRE, but planned to skip grad school until later. Today I find out that I need 150 hours of relevant coursework, which is wonderful. Except for the fact that I don't have that many hours from Fox. I'll graduate with 150 hours total. So now I need to take classes elsewhere - which may have been grad school. So, I don't know. The whole situation is just too much. I'm still trying to get an internship for next semester, and I'm following some leads, but I'm feeling so discouraged about it.

About a lot of things.