So I have this professor.

And she's amazing. She's balanced. She's been a clinical therapist, is a parent, and now a college professor. She's very sensitive to others, but keeps her boundaries. Her love for her family just oozes out.

I want to be like her.

I also saw photos of her from when she went to Europe with her family this summer. Normally, in class, she'll wear slacks and nice tops, but in these pics, she wore jeans and fitted t-shirts. I got jealous....she's got a fabulous body. She works hard for it; I know she works out consistently and eats right. It just doubled my anxiety about this week.

Especially because Em and I had Quiznos tonight, and frosty's from Wendys. Tomorrow Nick is taking me out to dinner. I know I'm going to gain.

Why does that feel like the biggest deal ever? Part of it is mom mentioning it. She didn't mean it in a harmful way at all; just reminded me that if I gained this week, to not let the self hatred cycle start or continue.