More pics!

Dad and I Amy and I

:)

Thanksgiving Pictures!

My uber-hot sister.

Grandma with Adriana and Logan.

Cousins! The youngest and the oldest.

I gave Mackie some lovin'.

Thanksgiving 2008

I'll be uploading pictures later, but here's a recap so far.

On Thursday I came home and convinced Dad and Amy to go to the gym with me. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, and then Amy showed me some of her training exercises. My butt is sore today. Today I totally slept in until 9:30. We left for Thanksgiving at my aunt's house at 11:30. Thanksgiving was good. I didn't count my Points for the day, but I did only have one normal plateful of food. Normal servings, etc. Well, and one too many mini quiches. I'll count all of my daily Points and all of my Flex points...just to be safe. I also convinced Dad to go to the gym with me tomorrow morning. :P There's a step aerobics class at 9:00AM. I think Amy is coming, too. Then Boy is coming over in the afternoon for another Thanksgiving dinner. I'm excited to see him and take a walk, maybe with Chance.

Another thing about this Thanksgiving; I was totally comfortable. Usually I just feel uncomfortable; about what I'm wearing, about who I'm with, about what I'm eating, etc. I just felt comfortable. Well, mostly. I felt sort of unconscious, but not as horribly as before. So yay. :) I've always enjoyed my aunt and uncle. I view them as young and hip, but also responsible, intelligent people who have good heads (and adorable children). Ugh - uploading pics. Will post some soon.

Nervous.

I'm nervous/anxious about a lot of things:

*GRE. I'm taking this Saturday morning. I'm not going to grad school right away, like I thought I was. So this is only for 2 reasons. One, I'd have to pay to NOT take it. Two, the scores are good for 5 years. So if I DO go back (hopefully/probably?) I won't have to take it again. But I haven't studied, and I'm nervous that I will totally suck. I anticipate getting an average score, but who knows? And mom keeps asking me about it - she wants me to have absolutely everything figured out and I simply don't. That stresses me out. I need to remember that I'm taking it now, but I don't NEED it now. And if I need to take it again, I can. I can view this as (a very expensive) practice run.

*End of term. There are two weeks of classes and a week of finals when I get back from Thanksgiving break. I have many things to do. I know that I can get them done; I always do. It's just stressful.

*I hit the 10 pound mark this week at Weight Watchers. I'm thrilled and surprised. But I need to be prepared; this is the time when I normally freak out. I'm not sure I will this time, because I've been doing things a lot differently than before. My workouts are fairly consistent, I'm drinking my water...etc.

I guess freaking out is in my nature. I should just expect it.

And, the results are in.

I lost 5.2 pounds! I'm down a total of 10.4. Can you believe it? Holy cow.

Anyway...I did well on eating today, and did about 20 minutes of aerobics. I was supposed to go to step, but I had the cramps from hell - so didn't. I wasn't into the other aerobics, either. I'm gonna make a plan for the rest of the week.

M: 20 minutes aerobics
T: 30 minutes aerobics (am), 20 minutes weights (pm)
W: step aerobics (am), 20 minutes weights (pm)
T: Walk - 3 miles?
F: 30 minutes aerobics
S: 40 minuted weights
S: Day off.

We shall see. :D

So it's Saturday...

I'm nervous about my weigh in on Monday. I've eaten five pieces of pizza total, and I went to Red Robin with Boy. I ordered a salad...but it still had dressing. I guess I wouldn't feel too bad about it if I hadn't gained .4 pounds last week. I just don't know where I stand - I've actively been changing what I'm eating, every day, and I'm actively working out more. I guess I'm just scared....

I just want to share...

This is the beginning of mommy's scarf. :D It's a bit rough, especially with the ends I need to tie up. :D

I had a disturbing dream...

I had a dream that I was being forced to organize some silverware by a man. Then the man raped me.

I looked it up, and silver means "looking for your worth; expensive." And rape means "fear of being force to unite with something."


Hmmm.


Edited to add: I was thinking about my dream today during step aerobics. (OMG, I was so not up for class...but I did it. :D) Anyway - I was being forced to arrange some nice silverware on a placemat. There were like 12 pieces, and no enough room. Maybe I'm taking on too much and expecting too much? Anyway, once I had finished, I was raped by the man that was making me organize it. And I didn't scream. I didn't fight. I didn't like it or want it, but just accepted it. Maybe I don't put up a fight for myself....

Hmm.

More goodies. :)

Yes - this is my new haul from tonight. I stopped at Walgreens and found two 2 packs of Amazement Lipglosses, for $2.89 each. I also got two CG TruShine lipsticks. I also picked up that obnoxious yellow nail polish color, and a Sharpie pen (which is AWESOME, by the way). For $16, not bad.

I ended up sleeping in today. Well...waking up at 9. Then staying/sleeping around until 12. Then I did some homework, finished my take home exam. I went home for a few hours and visited. I used moms stove to make some 2point Taco Soup and some breakfast bars. I also made a new dessert thing - SOOO GOOOD. I need to never make them again - they're phenomenal. Mom also gave me a few Christmas decorations and I picked up my much needed Nalgene bottle.

I wish there was more to write about....

I feel so accomplished.

I'm doing laundry (three loads!), I've made my breakfasts for the week, I made a new recipie, I'm THISCLOSE to finishing my take home exam for Cognition, and I've started on my presentation for Thursday. I hope to get all my info and have it organized by Sunday night. Then the rest is just cake.

Tomorrow I'm going home in the afternoon. I'm hoping to make a recipie there for the week (mom has stuff I don't), and see my puppy. I also have a list of things I need to drop off and pick up, so that will be helpful.

Whew.

I'm so proud of myself.

I ordered some new workout DVDs for me. :) I'm pretty excited - I haven't bought any in such a long time, and I deserve some new ones. And I ordered some GOOD quality ones, too. Here they are:


The first one is dancing and strength training. The second is kickboxing, and the third is one of my favorite instructors. It had a 20 minute upper body strength segment and a 20 minute lower body strength segment.

And I'm eating cranberry/raspberry yogurt. Mmmmmm.

Drumroll, please.....

I'm down 5.6, people.

Lovely.

:)

So I got the urge to eat.

Mainly because I'm bored.

So bored.

So I made some oatmeal and peanut butter. Not a bad snack, but I truly didn't need it.

OMG.

Just went to Safeway to turn in cans and then pick up some lettuce for dinner.

As I was walking out, I noticed an ornament display. It was a sterling J - about 5 inches tall...with fake crystals on it.

OMG. Good thing I get paid tomorrow. When I go there tomorrow to pick up some groceries for the week - I'm pretty sure it's mine. Which reminds me -I think I'm going to make a "decorate Jill's apartment for Christmas" party. I will invite a few people - probably just Em and Boy. I'll have cocoa and cider and we can hang lights inside and maybe get a fake tree...OMG.

Weight Watchers

My first weigh in is tomorrow. I feel so scared - and I'm not sure why. I'm scared that I haven't lost any weight - that my points values are off. That I'm eating too many, that eTools counted too many for my exercise, too little for some of my food...

I can honestly say that this time I've noticed a difference between last time I did this and this time. Last time I was trying to eat the way I was accustomed to and fit it into my points. This time, I've had meals that I didn't particularly enjoy, simply to do well. I haven't had a since fast food item all week. And I've worked out four times (all true workouts, not a mile walk workout). I'm even thinking about working out today.

There are some challenges, though. Working out without others has proven to be difficult. Every workout this week has been with a class or with a friend. I need that motivation and support, but I can't depend on it. And I haven't seen Boy this week, so I don't know what eating with him will be like. I know he will be as supportive as possible, but I see myself just saying "the heck with it" when I'm with him - which is not what I need to be doing.

Anyway. Back to being scared. I guess I'll just have to trust the process. I truly tried this week and didn't give up which was a HUGE accomplishment because I was tempted so many times. If I haven't lost any weight or haven't lost a "satisfactory" amount of weight, I will just try harder the next week. I have a full month paid for, and I've made a promise for that month - if not longer.

My "Diva" of a Boyfriend

bought me this fabulous jacket.

He's the sweetest!

I love you, honey. :D

The GFU bookstore had a HUGE sale

So I bought:
a large blanket
two sweatshirts
two Soffe shorts for Sis
althletic shorts for me
a long sleeve waffle knit shirt
and a brown t-shirt (that I'm wearing)

for $40!!!!! It was all 75% off. Here's a pic:



The two Soffe shorts are for Amy, and one of the sweatshirts is for mom, I think. I can't decide which one.

and again.

Today was such a weird day. I slept in through my walk with Em. Then I had kind of a rough day, especially with that counseling class. So I vowed to work out after sex class. But in class we talked about homosexuality, and it just made me mad, they way they talked about it. Anyway, I decided I didn't really want to work out. But on my way back I met my WW friend, Amber. We agreed to work out at 5:15. So I went to dinner at 4:30.

It was so weird - I was hungry, but not THAT hungry. But they had "good" food that I was excited about. I ate so fast.... I kept thinking about how sinful the meal was, how I was eating fast - it was a warning sign. But I don't know of what....

I did end up working out with Amber. But 15 min. cardio and 15 min. weights only add up to 2 points. But I still did it. I only have 3 flex points left for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Which is fine...but I guess I just feel bad about today. I feel like I've blown it...and its just too soon to tell.

I don't know. I feel so uncomfortable and .....kinda sad.

I won something!

I got an e-mail this morning saying that I won something from Pursebuzz. Here's the link:

here!

Here's a pic:


It doesn't have a description, but it looks like a Sugar palette, an Italian Badger fan brush (good, I need a good one!), a Stila lip glaze pencil, a MAC eyeliner of some sort, a Clinique mascara, perhaps a blush or MES from MAC, and an Anastasia brow set!

I won a brow set from Anastasia from SugarShock a few months ago, so perhaps I'll sell this or give it as a gift.

Certainly helps make my day brighter. I can't wait to get it in the mail. :)

What is wrong with me?

I cancelled my walk with Em this morning - I was just soooo tired. So I got up, messed around, made some breakfast, and went for work for an hour. It was good because I had a lot to do. Apparently, though, I was doing them in the wrong order. Silly boss.

Then I went to Advanced Counseling. Lately, every time I go to class, I feel like such a loser. Like I can't do it. It's such a huge myriad of feelings, and I left class feeling like I needed to cry. I just feel like I can't do it. I need to study for the GRE, and also get caught up on my normal school work. I don't think I'm going to apply to grad school just yet, but apply to the CADC program and get to be a certified addiction specialist. Then I can go back and get a masters later.

I'm also frustrated. I still haven't heard back from LB - I think I'm going to call them soon. I thought I had that job in the bag. And I've been so responsible with my money....

After lunch I work for an hour, and then I have one more class. I think I'll go to the gym and do a quick workout. Then come back, clean up, and go to the library and get some stuff d0ne. Maybe that will make me feel better. Well...maybe workout, dinner, and then come back. That might work.

Tomorrow I agreed to take an extra shift, so I work 10:30 -12:20, and then have class until 1:30, and then 3:30 - 5:00. I think mom is coming up in that 1:30 window to buy some stuff for Christmas because we're having a big sale.

I just feel eh today.

I'm posting this here only so I'll remember to use it when I get paid.

Since I'm at it...

I'll post some make-up lustings. Just because. It's $212.50. I had to stop, because some of these things I'm SERIOUSLY lusting for. Like the Stila kits. The holidays are a great time to buy make up because everything comes in sets. Much cheaper. This is another reason about working retail during the holidays - the materialism.

If I had a million dollars....

Baby Phat

Palazzo Pant

Ruffle Heels



Actually, it's only $376.48.

But thats more than I have, lol.

So I walk in the door...

and there's a HUGE ASS SPIDER sitting on my coat. I had to kill it and it was gross. I don't like killing things, but I just didn't want it running around and giving me bites. There's possibly a bit on my breast...ick.

Anyway. Boy came over and hung out with me today. I felt sad when he left, again, but then I went and had dinner. I was 6, I was kinda hungry, and its okay to eat...but I don't know why I felt so guilty. Like I feel like I was hiding it....when I think about it logically, it's alright. It's okay to eat. I had a normal dinner. And I was even a bit hungry. Great. Why do I feel like I was cheating on something or guilty for something?

Anyway - about the things I wanted to write about before.

Job.
I have almost a certain job at Lane Bryant at Washington Square (15 miles away, takes about 35 minutes). I know the job, discount is good, and I'd be making some extra money. I wouldn't be obligated to stay longer than January, but I would most likely have the option to.
I then saw a job posted on online - it's a coffeeshop in Sherwood, much closer than Wash.Sq.

Dad says, no jobs. You don't need it.
Mom says, LB. The opportunity is perfect.

It was a rough few days, but I think LB is the choice - I just need to get the official phone call.

What else did I need to write about? Oh, Weight Watchers. I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow night to see how things are. I'm very, very nervous about starting it again. Can I do it? I couldn't do it before. I still have to eat in the Bon - can I do it? I'm an emotional eater - can I do it? I've always been big - can I do it?

Ironic.

So, Boy left after spending some glorious time with me. We didn't do anything - watched Blue Collar Comedy Tour, cuddled, had pizza, took a walk - normal stuff. It was just nice being with each other.

But then he left.

And as I closed that door I had that sickening feeling. I'm alone, he's gone...I'm alone. I know it's not permanent, but I HATE that feeling.

So, I worked out. I made it for about 15 minutes before I decided that I was tired.

Feel like a failure? Anyway...

I need to go now, but things I want to talk about next time:

*jobs
*Weight Watchers


:D