I really want to go home.

I feel overwhelming. Like I'm too much for everyone. I'm too forward, too nice, too big, too overwhelming, too confusing...I don't like this. My biggest fantasy is simply being held by a man who is larger than me; I want to feel containable. I guess this is where I get my control issues from. I feel out of control; like I need to be contained (in a negative way). This is a very lonely and frustrating place to be.

I don't necessarily want to CHANGE who I am...I just want to feel better about this. But I don't know how.

I feel anxious today. My mouth is tingly...like it wants to work. It's such an odd feeling.