I need to talk.

I have a lot of things going on. First - a job thing. Second - some relationship thing.

Job.
I hope the apartment thing works out...work 10 hours a week and get free rent. It seems to good to pass up....but the catch is that my parents want me to live with someone, not alone. That makes sense. But I 'm not sure who I could find (especially at my school, where there are certain restrictions on living off campus). I guess it could be Em, but mom pointed out that she may not want to do that. I don't know. If I get offered this - its too good to turn down. It's really starting to stress me out - not knowing where I'm going to live, not having a good job, any money....

It makes me feel really needy....which is where the relationship thing comes in. There's an ended relationship, and whenever I speak with that person, I get these pangs of neediness, guilt, and desperation. I absolutely hate that. It makes me feel vulnerable...even worthless.

I really need to calm down, I'm feeling very anxious and stressed. Ughhhhhhhh.....I hate this! Move on, move on, move on.......

I'm frustrated that it looks like I can't have the 4th off. I'm frustrated that I don't have a real job. I'm frustrated that I don't have any money and a fucking maxed out credit card. I feel like such a failure for admitting that.....

:(